When we are in a state of panic, our speech isn’t the only thing that comes too fast. Panic generally leads us to respond too quickly, to rush through the beat. This kind of instant reaction can be helpful when we are in danger. But in modern life, panic can warp our perception of time and lead us to make quick decisions we later regret. If we can control our tendency to panic, we can slow down our actions, avoid some of our animal instincts, and make better decisions. We might even get a few laughs.

Seven Years in Ti-debt

I thought about various movie themes before writing this entry. Seven years. Seven. Se7en? That’s apropos. In many ways I feel like the loner, sitting isolated scribbling frenetic nonsense in a notebook, commenting on what I perceive (very important distinction) as the world’s injustices, while I slowly commit all the deadly sins.

(My joke book. LoL!)

Or Seven Years in Tibet? Another good one: the last seven years seem like a prison sentence; I’m banished to some desolate land as punishment for not following (mom and dad’s) orders. The Seven Year Itch? Seven Samurai? Snow White & the Seven Dwarves? Ok, you get it…

It’s generally accepted among comedians that a comedy career shy of ten years hasn’t even taken off its training wheels.  The Seven Year Milestone is no milestone at all. But so many things were happening to me around the time I began; I was 27, fast approaching 28. I was 1-2 years into my “other” (re: awful) career. I deliberated starting a family… Maybe even having a kid. I always thought I’d be a dad by 27. Silly fuckin’ me. If I had a child the year I started comedy (I probably wouldn’t have stuck with comedy, first of all) but that child would be SEVEN years old today! Some human being on this planet would have to call me “dad.” That sends shivers down my spine, mostly for the therapy bills that future adult would need to pay off. So I guess in some weird Freudian way I look at my “career” as a substitute for my child. S/he’s 7 years old today. All the work, attention, frustration that has gone into this has been spent with the drive of some frenzied and neurotic parent. I care about this more than I even care about myself. I don’t even celebrate my own birthday in May anymore. But man oh man, I always take time and reflect when April draws near.

What would I tell myself if I could go back in time? What advice, warnings, counsel would I give? These are just a few things I’d tell MYSELF. If you don’t agree, or have had a different experience, good for you. Consider yourself lucky that you’re not writing a note to yourself seven years later.

First things first: just smile. Stand on the outside and watch carefully.  It’s all REALLY amusing, if you take a step back and look at it. Once in a while someone might even say, “What’s with the shit-eating grin?” Just say, “Oh, nothing.” And keep doing your work.

A friend of mine in comedy is an unabashed success. He’s on TV. He’s under contract with a major TV network. He’s in national commercials. He passed and performs at all the clubs in NYC. He has a management team (no, not a manager, a management TEAM. That’s like, better than a manager, I think.) He has an agent with one of the four major agencies in the entertainment industry. You know what he said to me the other day? “Some motherfuckers get all the luck. I don’t ‘fit in’ with a particular look or scene, and THOSE guys are the ones getting all the TV pilots. Fuck that shit! It’s BULLSHIT!…” I leaned back, and smiled. What could I say? He seemingly has the world in his hand, but its not enough.  Haha… Whaddya gonna do? Just smile.

Another friend of mine in comedy, he’s been working odd jobs for a comedy club for almost two years. Either working the door, seating customers, etc., all for the hopes of getting more “stagetime.” He asked to be let go, so he could dedicate more time to being a comedian (isn’t that what we’re all doing this for?) And you know what he was told? Basically, that he was screwing the establishment over. You would think a comedian who wanted to spend more time on his craft would be met with open arms ESPECIALLY by a comedy venue, the very people who know how hard it is to exist in this struggle. But no, not in the comedy business. You are just a cog in their wheel.  I told him, and I tell everyone this, be skeptical of anyone in comedy who wants you do LESS comedy, and MORE administrative tasks. They’re not looking out for you, they’re using you.

There’s this dude who does stand-up and also helps his club sell tickets. He’s actually quite amazing at ticket selling; pulling in random people off the street, groups and groups at a time. A good chunk of the club’s business on nights he’s working is directly from his efforts. But working the streets (prostitute reference intended) in NYC for hours at a time can be unforgivingly brutal; the winters are harsh and the summers torturous. Recently he said he’s had enough. He, too, wants to focus on his comedy act and his act alone. But he was afraid to bring it up with the club. If he refused to help sell tickets, they’d drop him altogether. I felt like screaming to him: WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?? GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE!!

Stories like this proliferate. And I would tell myself: Avoid these situations.

Also realize: People love power, but people love NOT RELINQUISHING power even more. The powers that be love to have “it” over you, and not allow you to have what you want. That’s what keeps you coming back for more and more and more. The second you no longer want it, you’ve won. But they don’t want you to NOT want it because that’s the very source of their power.

Getting “noticed” by the industry is like getting girls to like you in high school all over again. The kids who get the most attention never seem to try very hard. And the ones who don’t get noticed feel bitter and slighted and end up developing a hatred for everything and everyone. Is it justice that some people get a lot of love while only having (what seems like) a fraction of what you bring to the table? Maybe not. But if you could give your high-school-self some advice on navigating the hallways, lunch room seating arrangements and (lack of) cool party invites, what would that be? Would you tell your younger self to stress or panic?  Or would you tell him/her to “stay calm and carry on.” Watch all the kids desperately jockeying for popularity, and remember now how meaningless it all once was. Step back, look at it all and just smile. 

Follow that advice now. Remember, you’re older, wiser. Start acting that way.


March 2014 Update

Well hellooooooo.  Hope everyone’s staying warm from the cold.  Here are some more shows from now into March.  As always, more shows to be added when I get them (when someone’s dumb enough to think I’m funny and book me).  Stay tuned and stay warm.  I got cabin fever being locked in my home all day; write me something stupid…


Feb 1, 2014 Sat 10:30pm - Gotham Vintage Lounge, NYC NY

Feb 6, 2014 Thur 8pm - Brokerage, Long Island NY

Feb 8, 2014 Sat 9pm - Mohegan Sun (Cabaret Theater), Uncasville CT

Feb 11, 2014 Tue 8:30pm - DISH Restaurant & Bar, BK NY

Feb 21, 2014 Fri 8pm - Governor’s, Long Island NY

Feb 22, 2014 Fri 7pm & 9:30pm (TWO SHOWS) - Governor’s, Long Island NY

Feb 23, 2014 Sun 8pm - McGuires, Long Island NY

Feb 26, 2014 Wed 8pm Stand Up NY (Labs), NYC NY

Mar 5, 2014 Wed 9pm - Lucky Jack’s, NYC NY

Mar 7, 2014 Fri 8pm - Grisly Pear, NYC NY

Mar 11, 2014 Tue 7pm - Eve’s Lounge, BK NY

Mar 14, 2014 Fri 8pm - Governor’s, Long Island NY

Mar 15, 2014 Sat 9pm - Earth Wellness Cafe, BK NY

Mar 16, 2014 Sun 9pm - Laughing Devil, Queens NY

Mar 19, 2014 Wed 9pm - Dangerfield’s, NYC NY

Mar 20, 2014 Thur 9pm - Dangerfield’s, NYC NY

Mar 21, 2014 Fri 8pm - Mcguires, Long Island NY

Mar 22, 2014 Sat 7pm AND 9:30pm (TWO SHOWS) - Mcguires, Long Island NY

Mar 23, 2014 Sun 7:30pm - Governor’s, Long Island NY

Mar 27, 2014 Thur 8pm - Brokerage, Long Island NY

Mar 30, 2014 Sun 8pm - Brokerage, Long Island NY

2014 Comedians to Watch

Here at comedy website BrianJian.com we like to scour the world of comedy and, having a definitive comedic finger on the comedic pulse of the comedic world, we can say with absolute comedic assurance, these comedians of comedy are the next wave of comedic talent in the world of comedy. Without further comedy ado, here is the list of comedy Comedians to Watch in 2014…

1) Brian Jian

2) Brian Jian

3) Brian Jian

4) Brian Jian

5) Brian Jian

6) Brian Jian

7) Brian Jian

8) Brian Jian

9) Brian Jian

10) Larry Sheckystein